Asking Questions

In Parelli we are always focusing on putting the relationship first; and in many ways this comes down to figuring out how to really have a conversation with your horse... a two way street. Hearing and taking on board their opinions, and expressing your own. As Pat would say, "Cause your idea to become your horses idea, but understand their idea first." One of the best ways to promote your relationship with your horse, to understand their idea, and to really promote that idea of having a conversation is to teach and encourage your horse to ask questions. Alright. That makes sense... but how do we do that?

First of all I want you to think about your own life. Think about when, why, what, and how you ask questions in your daily life. In my opinion there are usually about 4 main reasons as people that we DON'T ask questions... I think if we understand the reasons why we as humans DON'T ask questions... we can begin to apply the same logic to our horses and start to understand why they might tend not to, as well.

So, for humans, and from my observations it seems to me that people don't ask questions for these 4 main reasons. First of all we don't ask because we are overly confident that we know all the answers; or to put it another way, we don't ask questions when we are extremely Left Brain. I also think we don't ask questions when we are the opposite... extremely Right Brain. I know as a Right Brain Extravert, I often find myself not asking a question because I’m scared someone else will think its a stupid question, or something along those lines. I’m sure many of you can now see where I'm going with this ;)... I also think as humans we don't ask questions if we are feeling overly introverted or overly extraverted. When someone is overly extraverted whether LB or RB, we often find it hard to slow down, and listen enough to actually ask a question... OR, even more often is the case, we ask the question and then don't take the time to actually HEAR the answer. And of course the converse... Introverts often would rather listen then step up and ask a question. So, what does this teach us? The answer to successfully asking questions, lies, like almost everything, at the heart of our goal to become more centred.

Alright, so without getting direct line, lets MORE directly apply this to our horsemanship. As with us, when our horse is too extreme in any one of the 4 directions, it will be extremely hard for them to ask a question... we have to help them come more to the center ... to the learning zone... so they can start to think about how to ask a question.

For Left Brain horses; often the answer here is being more provocative, more particular, and generally more interesting. When a left Brain horse makes an assumption, "oh... i know this ... this is the 7 jobs" ... there won't be any questioning or communication. Or if there is, it won't be on a level that satisfies either our personal or our horses need for connection. For Right brain horses, if they are TOO right brain, obviously here flight mechanisms are kicking in and they are reacting instead of responding. No chance of a horse connecting and asking a question there. So first off we have to get a Right brain horse thinking and responding, and also make sure we are not applying TOO much pressure. With these Right Brain horses, often we can be "inside their bubble" without even realizing it, and the best thing we can do to cause a question is to back up and wait. Of course this is when we feel we’ve got that moment of connection, and they have stopped fleeing.

With the introvert/extravert part of the puzzle its all about energy levels. When an introvert or "short horse" is moving like molasses you are unlikely to have them motivated and connected enough to get a question. The reverse is true with an extravert being too high energy moving their feet TOO much to stop and ask a question. Of course it also has to do with MATCHING that energy. An introvert that feels you are rushing them, or just TOO high energy for them won’t be able to ask a question, because you are not “understanding their idea first.” With students I often compare this to thinking about if you were planning a nice lazy Sunday afternoon watching TV and eating popcorn and your best friend came RUNNING in the door saying its time for a jog!

So with this background theory in mind, think of your horse, and how you can best encourage them to ask questions. The most important thing to think of is that it is about your horse being in the learning zone... not in the deep end, but not doing the same thing they can do every day!