Life's little worthiness lessons

Phew! At the Denver Horse and Soul (June 2013) tour Pat finished a fantastic and LONG trailer loading session with a horse that, as Pat said, had opposition at both ends. Pretty intense pull back issue as well as being bracey about zones 3/4/5.

On Friday evening the horse had arrived with its lovely owners, who I had observed struggling for a fair while trying to get the horse into the small 8x10 stalls at the fairgrounds. I could tell they were getting frustrated so I offered to help, and they accepted. The horse was very introverted, to me on the cusp of LBI and RBI. In the past I have had strong set ups from Pat NOT to "train" the demo horses when dealing with them in the barn as it is very easy for people to see this and then think that that is why Pat is successful in the show. Which of course we all know isn't the case! But in an attempt to give people as few reasons as possible to brace, it is always something I take very seriously.

As such, I didn't switch halters, or spend a long time trying to teach the horse to yield, I just set about helping her to get into her stall for the weekend in a natural and non-confrontational way. Unfortunately this was easier said than done! This little horse had learned that it is pretty easy to pull a human around with your head so we spent a long time dealing with that! The horse would pull back and I would keep the pressure on, walking with him until he chose the apropriate response. After about 45 minutes .... And me starting to struggle with feeling like a failure, we got into the stall. Phewf!

Now, the interesting thing about this whole lesson is that it was at this point that I choose to break principle #2 ( don't make or teach assptions).... I assumed that it was MY lack of skill and ability that caused me to struggle with this little horse so much... Those of you that were in Denver know that that was not the case! :)

The next day in the show it took Pat the better part of 4 hours to help this horse make a change in his willingness to listen to human leadership. The horse demonstrated some extreme Prey animal behaviors such as goat kicking (when they leap in the air and kick out with hind feet). He also demonstrated some learned, dominant behaviors like not yielding to pressure on his poll, and using this strongly to his advantage.

When Pat came out of the arena and de-briefed with some of the instructors I shared that it had taken me 45 minutes to get him in his stall.... Pat said, "well that would have been nice to know!"

Haha! I laughed .... Took a few deep breaths and took stock of the assumption that I had made ... a moment in time to remember that assuming that YOU are the one who lacks the skill is sometimes JUST as damaging as thinking you have all the answers ;)

Thanks for listening ... 

Tuesdays: For Garbage & Grattitude

So.... This blog is for me, from my heart, for the purposes of cleansing and renewal, if that doesn't do it for ya than stop reading now and save us both the grief :), or continue, be soft and careful with my vulnerability, and perhaps some beauty will come of it.

At our house, Tuesdays is garbage day.... So in the spirit of tossing out the old and bringing in the new, I thought I would take a little time to count out what I'm grateful for in this now, and from the last few days. "Gratitude is the bridge to love," so hopefully putting some gratitude out there will send some more love back me and my families way :).

For those of you who don't know I spent the weekend with family in Orange County. My step mom, is there currently fighting the battle of her life.... Literally, against an unfair, unrelinquishing, and intense foe.... An unknown and rapidly growing cancer. So this week, my blog reaches out to her, her spirit, her strength, and all her "ninjas," fighting this incredible battle. 

Ok, so back to gratitude .... I'm writing this as I lie in a hotel room in limbo between leaving the hospital and arriving home.... Because my flight was delayed in OC, I missed my connection in Denver, hence the hotel room. So, what am I grateful for? Lol.... Hmmm :)

Being here right now allowed me a conversation with a close friend I wouldn't have had, a friend that reinforced that she will always be someone I can call on and count on when and if I need, so I'm grateful for that.

I got to watch a young woman, (Left-brain Extravert!) direct, comfort and soothe passengers in the direction of comfy and cozy beds, doing far more than she needed to, and showing us all how much she clearly loved her job. Beyond that, her spirit was clearly contagious, and inspired a young man to take people to hotels that WERE NOT the ones that he drove the shuttle for! Just in an attempt to make our lives easier ;). So I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful for free entertainment on my flight from OC to Denver and a fantastic interview with Hugh Jackman, reminding everyone to live every moment like it was the first time you've experienced it.... Because it is. So I'm grateful for that....

I'm grateful for no one booking the seat next to me on not One, but TWO of the legs of my flights this weekend.... Very grateful for that :)

I'm incredibly grateful for the doctors and nurses tending to my family, but especially the nurses ....Spending these last few days in the hospital makes me so incredibly grateful to all of the amazing nurses out there. There are a lot of you out there who choose to put love and passion into horsemanship and this journey as well as spending countless hours helping those in need, so I have met you in multiple capacities. Having this experience, I truly can't thank you enough..... Your balance, care, sympathy, effectiveness, efficiency, support, pride, and love is unparalleled anywhere in our workforce. Thank you for all you do, you are overworked, underpaid, under appreciated and incredible. I'm so grateful, as is my family in our time of need. THANKYOU, you all know who you are.

Which brings me to my last point of gratitude before my body crashes more completely.... I'm so grateful for my family. We are what many would call broken, splintered by divorce, and reconnected by choice. And I love you all. Your senses of humor, your care, your concern for others and your love has become so apparent through this challenge. So I'm grateful for that.

And to finish, I'm grateful in advance.... For two things.... First for the day when perhaps I may need one of you, a shoulder to lean on, and knowing you'll all be there completely in your own way and that will make it magical .... And I'm grateful for a day down the road where we will all again be seeing Turquoise not because of twisting the observances of morphine into conversation, but because we will all again be on a tropical vacation laughing and enjoying each others company without the backdrop of a crisis.

So, toss out the old and be grateful for the big and small this week, gratitude is the bridge to love and as we all know, love conquers all. 

Holes Vs. Strengths: Part 2 Developing Vs. Helping ....

Here are some more of my musings on Horse development and my sessions with a 2 Year old Hanoverian in Australia named Finn.

He was pretty high to start with, almost bordering on RBE, but more just energetic LBE. Anyway, I played with him with a few of the conecpts we have been focusing on while encouraging more movement since he was feeling pretty extraverted. We started with some changing eyes, consistency of movement on circle game and he started to come down really nicely. From there we went on to some of the slower stuff I really want him to understand like porcupine in his legs (lead by the leg), and such.

After this I decided to go back to our friendly game in motion at walk and trot to see what he remembered from the week before; it started out pretty well at the walk, but sort of disentegrated as he began to really LEAN on the halter in an effort to escape me, and not be consistent in his gait. The horse developer in me (it is a VERY small part, haha, as I tend to be good at helping PEOPLE find success, but not great at helping horses through challenges in an efficient way... This is a constant effort for me in SELF -development, because I want to be a phenomenal horsewoman as well as instructor)... Anyway, The horse-developer in me knew that I needed to help Finn to calm down, focus, and stop trying to run through the pressure on his halter, he needed to understand that that door was closed, respect that boundary. Especially before anyone got up on his back.

SO, I played wiht an excercise I had seen Kalley do quite a bit with the horses we had assigned to us in Florida, and also one I had played with with the yearlings at Atwood. I sent Finn out on the circle and when I felt him start to lean and want to leave, I took a hold of the lead, didn't pull, just HELD, and asked him to yield his hind end. Essentially, if the horse is circling to the right, this is closing the outside and left door of the halter, asking them to face you; or taking a hold of their inside hind leg is another way to look at it. Fin knows this game, but he was blasting through the pressure, and running and reacting, instead of responding, in essence he was not acting like a partner.

For a few times around I was reaching down the rope, holding asking him to yield, and then changing direction and repeating the same process on the other side. He was reactive; running through the pressure and pulling back, and running off the other way. This was a perfect example of where a horse-development specialist would be able to take this horse THROUGH this challenge, to help him (especially a two year old) to understand that no matter what, as Kalley would say "1+1=2;" when I hold here, and put pressure here, it means yield. I knew this! And I began to try and play through it in that way... But then I lost my confidence :( Finn gave a rather large reaction (again... remember he is not responding, he is reacting. You can think of this as lack of respect because respect is "an appropriate response to pressure applied appropriately" I was applying pressure appropriately, and Finn was reacting, in essence not holding up number 1 of his 4 responsibilities, Don't act like a prey animal, act like a partner.) Anyway, I decided that maybe I was pushing him too far, and I didn't believe I had the ability to bring him back from that edge.

That is what horse development is all about, according to Ray Hunt, its taking a horse to the edge of their ability, their threshold, their emotions, and then confidently bring them back; this way they gain more and more faith in human leadership. I found I was right at that threshold and I backed off because of lack of faith in my own abilities.

I then took my classic instructor stand point, and began to play with Finn softly in Backwards S's and changes of eye until he was down and participating more, just like I would show a student how to do. So, whats wrong with this? Where are the holes?

Well- firstly, Finn wasn't safe to ride. He had pushed into that Halter pressure, and never truly softened to it. As a colt-start, that button needs to be full proof, no matter what, when I reach down this lead, it means yield your hind end, and soften your nose. Secondly- He hadn't learned to have faith in human leadership. Pat says Isolate, Seperate, and recombine. I had isolated the issue, seperated out how to help him. But I hadn't been able to succesfully recombine it all together into a picture that made sense to him. Instead I had played around the challenge. He hadn't really learned that 1+1 is ALWAYS 2, even when Im high or excited.

At this point since I had lost my confidence I turned him over to Kerryn. She was able to address the challenge and help Finn through it. Mostly to see how strong Finn's understanding of pressure grew to be in just 15 minutes, but on a selfish level also to see how CLOSE I had been to the right answer. I had taken him right to the edge, and after only a little bit more he was able to turn over to Kerryn and really understand that the answer is to think and respond, instead of reacting, no matter what. So even though I lost my confidence in my horsemanship, it was a bit of a surprise to see how close I had been :)

On the drive home Kerryn said it was ALL but painful watching me as I was SO close to the right answer and then backed off because I lost confidence in my own abilities. As always, just like with horses though, you can't push someone over that edge, they have to find that faith in themselves ALL ON THEIR OWN :) Here's to trying again next time!