Cruz

I also came across this blog as a journal entry from 2011. This was a horse and a situation that touched me deeply, I hope you enjoy the story.

This will be a pretty short one, but I just got back from playing with a beautiful horse and I just had to write a quick update about my session.

The horse was a really remarkable, and beautiful one who had obviously had a very rough life. It was heartbreaking to feel the intense fear this horse had, and just general confusion at humans ;( He wanted DESPERATELY to find the right answers, but was so so unsure of what they might be... He had obviously had a traumatic foundation with humans, and despite the fact that he now lives in a beautiful natural environment with a kind and caring owner those first hours have really stuck with him.

Kalley and Pat have always stressed the importance of a horse’s first 100 hours of human contact... as well as the importance of their start under saddle. Pat often says that he believes Kindergarten and Pre-school teachers should be the highest paid professionals in our society, and that young horse starters, and foundation specialists should be the same in the horse industry. This is of course sadly backward.

I felt really deeply privileged today to play with "Cruz" and to share with his owner, some ways to start to help him overcome his challenges. Because of Parelli, a horse like this is in NO way, a "lost cause" despite the ambition, and dedication, and time it may take to help him reverse his view of humans.

It was truly incredible to me that this horse didn't have an aggressive (or for that matter defensive) bone in his body; he just consistently kept telling me how truly scared he was. He wasn't going to lash out, he was just going to persist in being bracy, high-headed, and reactive, believing that he had to be the leader in order to be safe. I took about 20 minutes to halter him... just breaking down each step, and trying to get a small change of relaxation along the way. We progressed from here to asking him to lower his head from poll pressure... Here he was SO responsive, but couldn't keep his head low for quite some time. I also did some friendly game with the stick; again looking for rhythm and relaxation. From there we moved on to porcupine off the chest.

I stressed to his owner that "Cruz" just needs to learn that people CAN be consistent, predictable, and good leaders. I just gave her those three tasks to play with until we come back again. "Cruz" needs to learn that 1+1=2... ALWAYS, and he can depend on that. Right now he sadly thinks there is nothing worth trusting or following in humans...scared to his core.

By the end of our session "Cruz" was starting to drop his head... of his own accord, and we finished when he was able to breathe out and let his nostrils flutter. Not quite a full-fledged blow out, but pretty close :) As always this kind of change, and relaxation, confidence and trust brought tears to my eyes... heartbreaking the cruelty and misunderstanding us predators can submit these beautiful creatures to, but also incredibly heart-warming to see their ability to forgive, and trust again through this incredible program.

At moments like these I am always eternally grateful that my time studying the Parelli program, and directly with Pat and Linda and Kalley has given me the skills to be able to help make changes for extreme horses like these.

A few weeks later I played with him again ... 

I also updated on his AMAZING progress with his owner as she has found Parelli. When I first saw Cruz and began to approach him, I got wide eyes, high head, snorting nostrils, and lots of unconfidence, in a very extraverted way. And everything screamed RRRRBBBBBEEEE. Cruz made lots of efforts to keep me zone 1 where he was more confident, moved his feet, and his body a lot in general telling me he was scared and didn't want any part of a partnership.

However, as I began to play with him, moving closer, gaining a relaxation and retreating instead of pushing through those thresholds I began to start to see a different horse. I began to see the frozen moments BEFORE the extravertedness. How interesting?

Cruz is the victim of some rather traumatic abuse. Innately, I believe him to be an RBI. He is a sweet horse, has more try than most horses, a strong desire to bond with humans, and a tendency to want to stop and think before moving his feet. However, he has learned that standing still can't be the answer, taking a second to think, isn't allowed, and humans always continue to put pressure on me. As I talked about in my last update on Cruz, its like he is an overachiever in school who got asked whats 1+1? and the first five times he said 2, and got hit for it... now he wants desperately to be right, to find the release and the correct answer but he has no idea what that answer is. He has also probably learned that his big postureing (i.e, head up, eyes wide, ears tight, snorting) is able to dissuade quite a few people from perservering or coming near. As such, he is like an introvert at a party who has been hooked to the surround sound speaker system. :) He wants humans to just relax, retreat, and give him a moment to think, but no one has ever given him that time, so he is constantly in a state of panic.

Since our last session, Cruz is starting to come down off of adrenaline, and his owner has thrown herself head long into Parelli and is making some giant changes in Cruz. He  now has a solid grasp of the first three games from what I hear, and is starting to learn again that 1+1 actually DOES = 2 :)

Tuesdays: For Garbage & Grattitude

So.... This blog is for me, from my heart, for the purposes of cleansing and renewal, if that doesn't do it for ya than stop reading now and save us both the grief :), or continue, be soft and careful with my vulnerability, and perhaps some beauty will come of it.

At our house, Tuesdays is garbage day.... So in the spirit of tossing out the old and bringing in the new, I thought I would take a little time to count out what I'm grateful for in this now, and from the last few days. "Gratitude is the bridge to love," so hopefully putting some gratitude out there will send some more love back me and my families way :).

For those of you who don't know I spent the weekend with family in Orange County. My step mom, is there currently fighting the battle of her life.... Literally, against an unfair, unrelinquishing, and intense foe.... An unknown and rapidly growing cancer. So this week, my blog reaches out to her, her spirit, her strength, and all her "ninjas," fighting this incredible battle. 

Ok, so back to gratitude .... I'm writing this as I lie in a hotel room in limbo between leaving the hospital and arriving home.... Because my flight was delayed in OC, I missed my connection in Denver, hence the hotel room. So, what am I grateful for? Lol.... Hmmm :)

Being here right now allowed me a conversation with a close friend I wouldn't have had, a friend that reinforced that she will always be someone I can call on and count on when and if I need, so I'm grateful for that.

I got to watch a young woman, (Left-brain Extravert!) direct, comfort and soothe passengers in the direction of comfy and cozy beds, doing far more than she needed to, and showing us all how much she clearly loved her job. Beyond that, her spirit was clearly contagious, and inspired a young man to take people to hotels that WERE NOT the ones that he drove the shuttle for! Just in an attempt to make our lives easier ;). So I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful for free entertainment on my flight from OC to Denver and a fantastic interview with Hugh Jackman, reminding everyone to live every moment like it was the first time you've experienced it.... Because it is. So I'm grateful for that....

I'm grateful for no one booking the seat next to me on not One, but TWO of the legs of my flights this weekend.... Very grateful for that :)

I'm incredibly grateful for the doctors and nurses tending to my family, but especially the nurses ....Spending these last few days in the hospital makes me so incredibly grateful to all of the amazing nurses out there. There are a lot of you out there who choose to put love and passion into horsemanship and this journey as well as spending countless hours helping those in need, so I have met you in multiple capacities. Having this experience, I truly can't thank you enough..... Your balance, care, sympathy, effectiveness, efficiency, support, pride, and love is unparalleled anywhere in our workforce. Thank you for all you do, you are overworked, underpaid, under appreciated and incredible. I'm so grateful, as is my family in our time of need. THANKYOU, you all know who you are.

Which brings me to my last point of gratitude before my body crashes more completely.... I'm so grateful for my family. We are what many would call broken, splintered by divorce, and reconnected by choice. And I love you all. Your senses of humor, your care, your concern for others and your love has become so apparent through this challenge. So I'm grateful for that.

And to finish, I'm grateful in advance.... For two things.... First for the day when perhaps I may need one of you, a shoulder to lean on, and knowing you'll all be there completely in your own way and that will make it magical .... And I'm grateful for a day down the road where we will all again be seeing Turquoise not because of twisting the observances of morphine into conversation, but because we will all again be on a tropical vacation laughing and enjoying each others company without the backdrop of a crisis.

So, toss out the old and be grateful for the big and small this week, gratitude is the bridge to love and as we all know, love conquers all. 

Controlling the Feet: Reverence for Lead by the Leg

Here is another old journal entry from playing with Fin on Lead by the Leg:

First off, here is a little theory about why lead by the leg can be important. As Pat says horses are naturally claustrophobic and panicaholics. Secondly, their legs are their main mechanisms of both Flight, AND if they have to Fight. As such they are generally extremely protective of them. In essence the base of all horsemanship is teaching the horse that we can control their feet, movement, speed, etc. In natural horsemanship, we try and do this with as much partnership as possible, in normal horsemanship... well, I'd rather not go into it, but we have all seen horses FORCED to submit their feet to the will of predators. Because of this, lead by the leg exercises are both extremely important, and also extremely delicate. So make sure before you begin you have true reverence for what you are asking of your horse... you are asking him to give over both his fighting and flighting mechanisms. Not only this, in natural horsemanship we are also asking that the horse do this willingly as a partner :)

This exercise is explained in much of the Parelli material, so Im not going to go into depth about the "hows" because their are plenty of ways to find that out. If you do have questions don't hesitate to ask, and I will try my best to answer your questions.

Lead by the leg is essentially a porcupine game. We ask horses to respond in what way we ask by using a rope around one of their legs. But obviously, we break this down into as many steps as we can, to make sure the horse feels like a confident learner, and there is no fear or breaking of will involved. The best way to begin is making sure you have a solid friendly game with ropes around all 4 of your horses legs, often times you will notice that even in this step your horse has slight opposition. As I mentioned before, be aware of, and have reverence for, how much we are actually asking of horses in this exercise, build slowly, and don't be afraid to go back a step if you find resistance. Remember as we develop a partnership with a horse, often times we see brace and opposition appear in one step of a system, and ACTUALLY the challenge is the step before.

After your friendly game is solid, make sure you can just softly ask your horse to pick up his foot. Remember the skeleton, mind, flexion, weight, feet. See if you can get SO good that you release before your horse actually moves... that you release when he thinks about moving ;) As Pat would say “Cause him to think about it, then allow him to do it.” This way, everything you ask of your horse happens in a release! Remember your phases of porcupine on the rope, and that driving game can be used to back up porcupine game if your horse is being left-brain and non-responsive.

The other important thing to remember is to not release on a brace... but the ideal would be to make the steps SO small that your horse's answer is always "yes," that they don't even really think about bracing.

This exercise can be progressed, as with most things in Parelli, as far as your imagination can take you. Can you play all 7 games from a lead around one front foot, around one hind foot? How softly can your horse respond to that porcupine game? Remember all our porcupine games are related... how soft is your horse on the bridle? Your legs to go forward? Your seat to stop, and back? Lateral movement? Leading? Tying? We ask SO much of our horses on an every day basis in terms of their porcupine game, so take some time to develop it as one of your horses’ strongest skills!

Holes Vs. Strengths: Part 2 Developing Vs. Helping ....

Here are some more of my musings on Horse development and my sessions with a 2 Year old Hanoverian in Australia named Finn.

He was pretty high to start with, almost bordering on RBE, but more just energetic LBE. Anyway, I played with him with a few of the conecpts we have been focusing on while encouraging more movement since he was feeling pretty extraverted. We started with some changing eyes, consistency of movement on circle game and he started to come down really nicely. From there we went on to some of the slower stuff I really want him to understand like porcupine in his legs (lead by the leg), and such.

After this I decided to go back to our friendly game in motion at walk and trot to see what he remembered from the week before; it started out pretty well at the walk, but sort of disentegrated as he began to really LEAN on the halter in an effort to escape me, and not be consistent in his gait. The horse developer in me (it is a VERY small part, haha, as I tend to be good at helping PEOPLE find success, but not great at helping horses through challenges in an efficient way... This is a constant effort for me in SELF -development, because I want to be a phenomenal horsewoman as well as instructor)... Anyway, The horse-developer in me knew that I needed to help Finn to calm down, focus, and stop trying to run through the pressure on his halter, he needed to understand that that door was closed, respect that boundary. Especially before anyone got up on his back.

SO, I played wiht an excercise I had seen Kalley do quite a bit with the horses we had assigned to us in Florida, and also one I had played with with the yearlings at Atwood. I sent Finn out on the circle and when I felt him start to lean and want to leave, I took a hold of the lead, didn't pull, just HELD, and asked him to yield his hind end. Essentially, if the horse is circling to the right, this is closing the outside and left door of the halter, asking them to face you; or taking a hold of their inside hind leg is another way to look at it. Fin knows this game, but he was blasting through the pressure, and running and reacting, instead of responding, in essence he was not acting like a partner.

For a few times around I was reaching down the rope, holding asking him to yield, and then changing direction and repeating the same process on the other side. He was reactive; running through the pressure and pulling back, and running off the other way. This was a perfect example of where a horse-development specialist would be able to take this horse THROUGH this challenge, to help him (especially a two year old) to understand that no matter what, as Kalley would say "1+1=2;" when I hold here, and put pressure here, it means yield. I knew this! And I began to try and play through it in that way... But then I lost my confidence :( Finn gave a rather large reaction (again... remember he is not responding, he is reacting. You can think of this as lack of respect because respect is "an appropriate response to pressure applied appropriately" I was applying pressure appropriately, and Finn was reacting, in essence not holding up number 1 of his 4 responsibilities, Don't act like a prey animal, act like a partner.) Anyway, I decided that maybe I was pushing him too far, and I didn't believe I had the ability to bring him back from that edge.

That is what horse development is all about, according to Ray Hunt, its taking a horse to the edge of their ability, their threshold, their emotions, and then confidently bring them back; this way they gain more and more faith in human leadership. I found I was right at that threshold and I backed off because of lack of faith in my own abilities.

I then took my classic instructor stand point, and began to play with Finn softly in Backwards S's and changes of eye until he was down and participating more, just like I would show a student how to do. So, whats wrong with this? Where are the holes?

Well- firstly, Finn wasn't safe to ride. He had pushed into that Halter pressure, and never truly softened to it. As a colt-start, that button needs to be full proof, no matter what, when I reach down this lead, it means yield your hind end, and soften your nose. Secondly- He hadn't learned to have faith in human leadership. Pat says Isolate, Seperate, and recombine. I had isolated the issue, seperated out how to help him. But I hadn't been able to succesfully recombine it all together into a picture that made sense to him. Instead I had played around the challenge. He hadn't really learned that 1+1 is ALWAYS 2, even when Im high or excited.

At this point since I had lost my confidence I turned him over to Kerryn. She was able to address the challenge and help Finn through it. Mostly to see how strong Finn's understanding of pressure grew to be in just 15 minutes, but on a selfish level also to see how CLOSE I had been to the right answer. I had taken him right to the edge, and after only a little bit more he was able to turn over to Kerryn and really understand that the answer is to think and respond, instead of reacting, no matter what. So even though I lost my confidence in my horsemanship, it was a bit of a surprise to see how close I had been :)

On the drive home Kerryn said it was ALL but painful watching me as I was SO close to the right answer and then backed off because I lost confidence in my own abilities. As always, just like with horses though, you can't push someone over that edge, they have to find that faith in themselves ALL ON THEIR OWN :) Here's to trying again next time!

Warm up Strong to Ride Soft

While I was in Australia I got the chance to play with a beautiful LBE Hanoverian named Fin. Today I went through some of my notes and found some cool gems I thought I’d share with you all! Hope you enjoy!

Whenever I play with young horses I think so much of what I have learned from Kalley, over the time I have been lucky enough to spend with her.  Kalley has given me so many tools, and so often when I’m playing or teaching I hear something she has said to me. It is simply awesome how having "arrows" as we call tools in Parelli helps you to be more confident. The more tools and knowledge you have, the higher your confidence is... which is what makes this such an incredible journey of learning. In contrast, however, we all also go through those moments in Parelli, where the more you know, the more you realize you DON’T know. Makes me think of one of my favorite quotes "The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shore of mystery."  For me this was so incredibly true in my learning from Kalley- As a little side note, one day in a mastery Program meeting we were all going over highlights from the week, One person's highlight was learning that they didn't actually know how to play the 7 games! haha! Or even how to put a halter on! This can just show you the level of depth of understanding there is to EACH little task that we complete with our horses.

So- As I was feeling through and testing various games with Fin, I was really thankful for the time I’ve spent with Kalley... as well as all of the second hand gold I got from Kerryn and Dr. Jessie while working at Atwood Ranch for 10 months. It was amazing for me to realize the tools that I DID have in terms of being able to feel through where I felt Finn's successes and challenges were. I began by walking away from him, Belly-button off of him, and swinging my stick and string in a friendly motion, check! He understood the basics of Friendly game. Then we moved on to porcupine game which was also light and polite, not perfect, but he had a solid understanding of moving away from steady pressure, and it was GREAT for a two year old without that many sessions. The first challenge I felt was as we moved into driving game in his right eye... his first instinct as I asked him to yield his front end was to lift his head and nose into pressure, not strongly, but this was a little opposition reflex. How interesting? I continued to play with him softly changing eyes, and doing some backwards s's to increase his confidence with this. Fin was exceptionally soft and willing, and for the most part a LBE, although as a learner he had moments of RBI.

In the second session, I also played with him again on the ground, but this time I had a goal! The first time I played with him and saddled him for Kerryn, she had to spend quite a bit more time with him on the ground in order to feel confident getting on him... "warm up strong to ride soft." Basically... I had once again, tended to "not bother him" as I played with him, but because he was young this didn't set him OR Kerryn up for sucess in their ride; hence why she pushed him a bit and played with him more on the ground. Any guesses what my goal was for our second session? I decided I wanted to warm Finn up strong enough, that Kerryn felt he was confident and ready to ride.

Knowing that he had a bit of right side brace, and a tendency to be sensitive, almost bordering on reactive at times, I thought a great game to teach him would be friendly game in motion. So I began by getting nice confident circles at the walk and trot to the left before beginning to throw the stick and string softly over his back. He was slightly skeptical, but soon enough softened, and began to understand that the difference between neutral and energy up applies no matter which gait he is in, as well as that his job continues to be maintain gait, maintain direction, look where your going, and act like a partner. AHA! So now for the right side... I tried to maintain the same neutral in my body as he went out at the walk, I softly lifted the stick and string... and sure enough... EXPLOSION! Not too scared, just thinking his job was to run forward, and then being a bit LBE, that was kinda fun... So I had to then pick up my intensity to match him. And we were off... lol... running and buckin, and throwing the string over his back, until finally he flicked an ear to me and I stopped, so he stopped and looked at me. We repeated this excitement a few more times until he finally softened, and began to trot round me in beautiful flexion and relaxation as I threw the string over his back. We stopped and rested as he blew out a few times. I was then able to saddle him and get some of his nicest changes of direction yet. I handed him over to Kerryn and crossed my fingers lol :)

And she took him to the middle and mounted up... ;) Yay! I love setting goals for myself and meeting them!

Musings on the Game of Contact

In Parelli, as we move into level 4, and our no longer STRICTLY working on our own development as a horseman, we can begin to play with the physical development of our horses. For many, this means contact and collection... and the beginning of our fourth savvy, Finesse Riding! While with Parelli I have had the privilege of riding with Linda, and am slowly growing my understanding of the Game of Contact. I am by NO means an expert (and as a 3* instructor, not certified to teach finesse ... someday I will be!), but I have SO enjoyed playing with these revolutionary concepts! As always, Linda and Pat are constantly coming up with ways to "do the opposite" of the normal world, and make everything a game, for you AND the horse!

To begin with, if you are anything like me, some people might want to know, what are the benifits of collection? Especially in Parelli, we often get into Level 3/4 and can all of a sudden ride bridless, play at liberty, and communicate with our horses SO well, why would we want to mess with trying to collect them? Well, some of the main reasons are that horses can become more balanced, and less anxious, as WELL as becoming more powerful. In addition, the main thing that stuck out to me in Linda's descriptions of the benifts of contact is that EVERYTHING is actually contact of some sort... every time we ask our horses to yield or respond, we are making that MENTAL connection, and that IS contact. Taking up a feel on the bit is merely the next more refined step in that. Plus, I dont know about you, but I want to be good enough with horses to be totally and completely accepted by my horse in the most vulnerable place in their bodies.

Linda truly believes that the game of contact is the "breakthrough in teaching horses and riders to understand and enjoy riding with contact," and after watching her teach this, and experimenting on my own, I agree!

As I mentioned before... these are merely just MY own personal thoughts and explanations from my time studying with Linda, and I am by NO means an expert! Just consider this my musings :) The Game of Contact comes down to an attempt to teach horses that the bit is not a barrier; to achieve the flow of energy that we aim for in classical dressage, the energy must run circularly, and not hit a wall at the bit... and unfortunately this is often what happens. Most horses are in some way afraid of the bit, and since we are touching the most vulnerable part of their body, we as horseman must make an effort to help them overcome this, thus it comes down to TRUST, just as Walter Zettle aptly named his series, "A Matter of Trust."

As many of you may have read, Linda stumbled upon the game of contact, out of an effort to turn contact into a game for Remmer, and not feel like she needed to PUSH him forward constantly. She began by taking back on the reins, until Remmer made some form of an effort to move forward... to take the contact. When he did this, she released. Thus the game becomes, "if you don't take it, I will." Another way to think of this is begining by teaching your horse that "reins mean go" ... hence the bit not being a barrier, and them being able to move forward through that. This concept of course can be broken down into "nose, neck, maybe the feet"... Isn't it amazing how it all relates?!?

The most amazing thing, I think, about achieving collection this way is that the horse arrives at collection AS the release! Not as the pressure... and remember, pressure motivates and release teaches! So how beautiful is it, if your collection is ACTUALLY your release? Let me tell you, it is an amazing picture to both see, and feel!

Living to my OWN expectations

As a Right Brain extravert, I often feel I constantly live in a world of trying to live up to other people's expectations; and let me tell you, I rarely measure up. Being a Psychology major, willing to spend a lot of time on self-development, and after spending a year studying with Linda, Im more often than not able to hide these feelings and plod along ... yet on occasion I spin myself into a whirlwind of inadequacy emotions, and I have to find a way to struggle out.

Part of the reason that I love Parelli is that horses are SO fair with how they judge us. And the more I learn about their psychology, the more I can adjust my behavior and gain a desired response. My RBE mare is actually very aloof and not very loving, so when I get those moments where I can actually feel her want to be in my space, want to snuggle (for lack of a less anthropomorphic word), I know I've hit the jackpot. These are the moments that I know, my horsemanship is living up to my expectations ... and even better yet, to my horses!

The problem is those moments of detachment and lack of center ... those moments when that whirlwind of emotion takes me away, and all I can think of and focus on is everything that I must be doing "wrong" and everything I "should" be doing differently.

Recently in New Mexico I was caught by one of these whirlwinds ... and as per usual it picked me up spun me around, and waited for my ego to release me so I could grab onto something solid, and find my center again. In theory, so that I could be even stronger to resist it the next time around. The long and the short of it is that I brought Damo to New Mexico, because I knew I was teaching at a gorgeous facility (4 Winds Equestrian Center), and I would have time to play with her.

Now, Damo and I spent this last winter in Pagosa Springs, and it was cold and snowy, and absolutely beautiful. I LOVED it. Of course this meant that riding athletically and asking for correct posture was limited, because Damo and I spent most of our time goofing around in the snow, playing with tricks, or spending undemanding time. The anthropomorphic side of me said that she had given me SO much in the year of 2012 ... 26 states, 7 tour stops, temperatures ranging from 4 degrees to 106 degrees ... that it was time for both of us to relax, get back to the root of our connection.

Damo has been almost solely my responsibility since I was 10 years old. I took her with me to college, I have cared for her through her entire 14 years, and I take that as a large responsibility. She wintered fantastically in Pagosa, but for some reason during these last 4 weeks, she started to loose weight a bit. Of course I noticed and began bringing her in for extra feed, but we all know how that goes, often when you see your horses twice a day every day, that sorta thing can sneak up on you. So now we are headed back in the right direction, but between being a bit skinny, and not carrying herself well, Damo doesn't look her best.

Enter ... stupid emotional whirlwind ....

I began playing with her at 4 Winds, and that little voice in my head kept saying ... "She's a terrible example of a Parelli horse." "Look how that dip in front of her withers is back." "Her HQ is under muscled." Then comes stage 2 .... "Linda would be so disappointed." "You can't take her to the Tour stop in 6 weeks." "Heck, you shouldn't even be an instructor, you're a terrible example of Parelli."

So I try to breathe and relax, and re-center myself through all of this ... but it just gets worse and worse. Finally I decide to head back to her pen. I let her go ... and walk away for a bit. When I came back she was lying down. Since Damo is so RBE, often me approaching her when she is lying down is very tough for her. I went to the gate, which was super hard to open, expecting and waiting for her to get up. she stayed down, just looking at me. I went in and sat with her, she bent her head around and put it in my lap and we sat like that for about twenty minutes (like FOR real twenty minutes, not RBE exaggerating twenty minutes!).

Then she got up, very softly, giving me lots of warning to get out of her way ... which I did and then I walked to the gate. She followed and I haltered her and we headed to the arena. I saddled and it was the best saddling I've had in ages (any of you that have seen the August 2012 Mastery DVD know that this has been a challenge) ... then bridling, she took the bit on her own completely willingly. Then riding, trot with rhythm, beautiful, sideways, beautiful, canter, correct lead both directions, beautiful, then we played with some Game of Contact. For only the second or third time I felt her MENTALLY understand that the contact was neutral, she was relaxed and settled on the bit. Now the athleticism may not have been what we have had moments of, but the mental and emotional connection surpassed most of what I have ever had with her. She allowed for me to play the game and she didn't get emotional, she just played back.

I slid off, and we had one of the best sweat patterns I've seen in ages ;). Calm and connected we walked back to her pen. She stayed totally connected to me  ... with very little draw to he left over food. In all it felt like a beautiful session.

I could feel most of that worry and anxiety begin to fade away. But some of it was still there in the background. I began to think about what I had felt and accomplished in my session, and I came to two realizations. First was that ... in good horse training we have a tri-fecta of mental, emotional and physical development. I was beating myself up over neglecting the physical when I had clearly gained so much in the other two spheres. Secondly, I realized that most of my emotion was caused over what would my fellow Parelli Professionals and students and Linda and Pat "think" of my horsemanship. Was I living up to what their expectations of me would be? Was I good enough?

Again I tried to breathe and find that "I am Enough." And I centered on what Damo had given me and the connection I had felt. And that was when I truly found another level of wanting the only expectations to matter to be my own ... and my horses. What I believe to be my own expectations are often clouded by what others will think because I allow it, but Damo's expectations are clear. And the more I focused on that ... and realized that she lives in every moment, not the past or the future, but in this now ... I began to find that that was what I wanted, to be the best horseman I could be in this now, and not worry about the past or the future. Focus on this moment, and be as positive, progressive and natural as I can be.

Thank you for your respect and compassion in listening to my story ;).
Lillan Roquet
Parelli Licensed 3* Instructor