Licensed Parelli Professional 2* Junior Instructor

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Tuesday 21 October 2014

Righting Wrongs: Sorry's Build Trust

In the last few years of my life a common theme has been occurring.... And due to my personal lack of belief in coincidence I continue to open the opportunity to explore this theme; and today it struck again. The theme is the importance of acknowledging our shortcomings, our vulnerabilities, righting wrongs we commit, and being willing to truly and authentically, say, "I'm Sorry." While wandering through the Australian National Museum in Canberra, I noticed again the important and LIFE changing power of this willingness to apologize and be vulnerable.



As many of you may know February 13, 2008 was an epic day for such things. This was the day that Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd, apologized to the indigenous aboriginal people of Australia.... verbally, in a hugely attended public speech at Australia's Parliament House, and also symbolically in sky writing, and a few other ways. The tears and electricity of the environment was palpable.... It was an environment, a country and a people now completely transformed and awakened to entirely new possibilities through these three simple words, "We are sorry." Now, to forward change and transformation, it doesn't just take an apology for past wrongs, it takes a commitment to a new future. "We the Parliment of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of a nation. For the future we take heart; that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written. We today take this first step, by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australians. A future where this Parliment resolves that the injustices of the past must never, ever happen again..... A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities, and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country, Australia." 



Wow, no matter where you stand on the political spectrum, this is a beautiful and powerful future of possibility created through the starting place of an apology. Taking the time to acknowledge our vulnerabilities, our challenges, our weaknesses or our mistakes, is what brings us strength and new possibilities as humans. Brene Brown, renowned author and social worker, uses the example of two competing football teams, both have injured quarterbacks. One QB tells the coach and they develop a whole system and game around extra protection for him, the other QB keeps quiet. Who wins the game Sunday? Clearly.... The team that has managed and adjusted to their vulnerability, not the team who kept quiet. Unfortunately, it's our human condition to keep quiet about our vulnerabilities, to not acknowledge our mistakes. 

Horses.... As with most things teach us otherwise. As Pat often says, "horses forgive, but they never forget." In our horsemanship, as with all other places in our lives, learning to apologize, and then create and commit to a different and powerful future, is a starting place for a beautiful relationship. With my little grey mare, I got to a place of finally saying, "I'm so sorry, for years I squealed the tires, and was completely unaware of how right brain and scared you are.... From here forward I'm committed to a partnership where making sure you are feeling calmer, smarter, braver and more athletic every time we play is of paramount importance." Now obviously these words were of little consequence to her, but for me they created an entirely new relationship. Realizing, and acknowledging our horsemanship and life patterns, leaves us the space to commit to something completely new and different in our relationships.... Both human and equine. Understanding the power of acknowledging our wrongs, our mistakes and our vulnerabilities is NOT weakness.... It's a new place to stand in strength, clarity and honor.

I'm grateful everyday for horses and humans in my life to teach me this. And continually, I apologize for my inadequacy, and through that I find a new and profound level of relationship.