Living to my OWN expectations

As a Right Brain extravert, I often feel I constantly live in a world of trying to live up to other people's expectations; and let me tell you, I rarely measure up. Being a Psychology major, willing to spend a lot of time on self-development, and after spending a year studying with Linda, Im more often than not able to hide these feelings and plod along ... yet on occasion I spin myself into a whirlwind of inadequacy emotions, and I have to find a way to struggle out.

Part of the reason that I love Parelli is that horses are SO fair with how they judge us. And the more I learn about their psychology, the more I can adjust my behavior and gain a desired response. My RBE mare is actually very aloof and not very loving, so when I get those moments where I can actually feel her want to be in my space, want to snuggle (for lack of a less anthropomorphic word), I know I've hit the jackpot. These are the moments that I know, my horsemanship is living up to my expectations ... and even better yet, to my horses!

The problem is those moments of detachment and lack of center ... those moments when that whirlwind of emotion takes me away, and all I can think of and focus on is everything that I must be doing "wrong" and everything I "should" be doing differently.

Recently in New Mexico I was caught by one of these whirlwinds ... and as per usual it picked me up spun me around, and waited for my ego to release me so I could grab onto something solid, and find my center again. In theory, so that I could be even stronger to resist it the next time around. The long and the short of it is that I brought Damo to New Mexico, because I knew I was teaching at a gorgeous facility (4 Winds Equestrian Center), and I would have time to play with her.

Now, Damo and I spent this last winter in Pagosa Springs, and it was cold and snowy, and absolutely beautiful. I LOVED it. Of course this meant that riding athletically and asking for correct posture was limited, because Damo and I spent most of our time goofing around in the snow, playing with tricks, or spending undemanding time. The anthropomorphic side of me said that she had given me SO much in the year of 2012 ... 26 states, 7 tour stops, temperatures ranging from 4 degrees to 106 degrees ... that it was time for both of us to relax, get back to the root of our connection.

Damo has been almost solely my responsibility since I was 10 years old. I took her with me to college, I have cared for her through her entire 14 years, and I take that as a large responsibility. She wintered fantastically in Pagosa, but for some reason during these last 4 weeks, she started to loose weight a bit. Of course I noticed and began bringing her in for extra feed, but we all know how that goes, often when you see your horses twice a day every day, that sorta thing can sneak up on you. So now we are headed back in the right direction, but between being a bit skinny, and not carrying herself well, Damo doesn't look her best.

Enter ... stupid emotional whirlwind ....

I began playing with her at 4 Winds, and that little voice in my head kept saying ... "She's a terrible example of a Parelli horse." "Look how that dip in front of her withers is back." "Her HQ is under muscled." Then comes stage 2 .... "Linda would be so disappointed." "You can't take her to the Tour stop in 6 weeks." "Heck, you shouldn't even be an instructor, you're a terrible example of Parelli."

So I try to breathe and relax, and re-center myself through all of this ... but it just gets worse and worse. Finally I decide to head back to her pen. I let her go ... and walk away for a bit. When I came back she was lying down. Since Damo is so RBE, often me approaching her when she is lying down is very tough for her. I went to the gate, which was super hard to open, expecting and waiting for her to get up. she stayed down, just looking at me. I went in and sat with her, she bent her head around and put it in my lap and we sat like that for about twenty minutes (like FOR real twenty minutes, not RBE exaggerating twenty minutes!).

Then she got up, very softly, giving me lots of warning to get out of her way ... which I did and then I walked to the gate. She followed and I haltered her and we headed to the arena. I saddled and it was the best saddling I've had in ages (any of you that have seen the August 2012 Mastery DVD know that this has been a challenge) ... then bridling, she took the bit on her own completely willingly. Then riding, trot with rhythm, beautiful, sideways, beautiful, canter, correct lead both directions, beautiful, then we played with some Game of Contact. For only the second or third time I felt her MENTALLY understand that the contact was neutral, she was relaxed and settled on the bit. Now the athleticism may not have been what we have had moments of, but the mental and emotional connection surpassed most of what I have ever had with her. She allowed for me to play the game and she didn't get emotional, she just played back.

I slid off, and we had one of the best sweat patterns I've seen in ages ;). Calm and connected we walked back to her pen. She stayed totally connected to me  ... with very little draw to he left over food. In all it felt like a beautiful session.

I could feel most of that worry and anxiety begin to fade away. But some of it was still there in the background. I began to think about what I had felt and accomplished in my session, and I came to two realizations. First was that ... in good horse training we have a tri-fecta of mental, emotional and physical development. I was beating myself up over neglecting the physical when I had clearly gained so much in the other two spheres. Secondly, I realized that most of my emotion was caused over what would my fellow Parelli Professionals and students and Linda and Pat "think" of my horsemanship. Was I living up to what their expectations of me would be? Was I good enough?

Again I tried to breathe and find that "I am Enough." And I centered on what Damo had given me and the connection I had felt. And that was when I truly found another level of wanting the only expectations to matter to be my own ... and my horses. What I believe to be my own expectations are often clouded by what others will think because I allow it, but Damo's expectations are clear. And the more I focused on that ... and realized that she lives in every moment, not the past or the future, but in this now ... I began to find that that was what I wanted, to be the best horseman I could be in this now, and not worry about the past or the future. Focus on this moment, and be as positive, progressive and natural as I can be.

Thank you for your respect and compassion in listening to my story ;).
Lillan Roquet
Parelli Licensed 3* Instructor

Bending Line Draw

Ok! So recently at some of my clinics I've started teaching a concept that Linda taught me over the last year with her called Bending Line Draw. There has been a lot of curiosity from those who can't make it to a clinic, and have seen others posts on PC and FB as to what this is all about! So I will attempt to share via this medium and see if I can help to clarify ;).

So after spending the last year with Linda it became obviously apparent how important expression is to her and how passionate she is about helping to give students keys to breaking through to their horses minds to create that positive expression. One of the EASIEST places to loose expression is in the yo-yo towards us. In my opinion this is for two main reasons ....

First with more right brain horses we are asking them to come straight towards our bullhorn of energy, and then as we move up through the levels sometimes we are even asking them to come FASTER towards that bullhorn. This can be very intense, and we often loose expression because these more RB horses get unsure. Those of you who saw the last Savvy Club DVD where I talk about that a little with my RBE mare and how hard it has been for her to truly allow her butterflies to settle while being in the middle of my bullhorn.

On the reverse, our LB horses can VERY easily think that they are being given the opportunity to drive or dominate us when we ask them to come towards us on the yo-yo. Especially if we back up and ask for more energy! So here we loose expression because they are trying to dominate us.

In either case, your horse hasn't gone, "YAHOO, I get to come to my person!!" which is what we are looking for!

So, when it comes to adding more energy in our draw, Linda has started talking about doing it through a "bending line" instead of a straight line. Basically I back my horse up (to start with I train this at about 8 ft back). Then I pull the shoulder back that has the line in it, and my stick is then in the other hand and set up to use if I need it.

Next I use my stick to add energy. If I have a very LB horse, who is going to loose expression or lay their ears back in an effort to drive us, I back up and as I am backing essentially send that horses shoulder away from me (Driving zone 3). I keep backing away and keep driving the shoulder away until the expression changes. I am always thinking of my horse arcing towards the shoulder that has the rope in it ... but essentially yielding the shoulder out of our way AS they come to us. This prevents them from thinking that they are driving us! And we can then add energy and create positivity.

For more RB horses you can use the exact same technique. For these horses you use your stick towards zone 3, so that instead of saying to the unconfident horse that they have to come straight towards our bullhorn with energy, you can allow for them to arc. Here they are also softening zone 3 which releases tension for RB horses as well.

I thought I'd also take a moment to share some possibly pitfalls I've seen as I've been teaching this. First thing that can happen is when you go to draw your horse, and he has a negative expression and you apply pressure (zone 2 for LB and zone 3/4 for RB) .... a lot of horses will then go "oh, it's circle game." So to combat this, what you want to do is create it that zone 1 reconnects to your shoulder. So as your horse is thinking circle, you want to keep backing, and keep applying pressure to zone 4 in order to push the HQ out and get zone 1 to think about you again. You may have to bump zone 1 a little bit, but attempt to do this as little as possible! As you are really aiming to create this draw for liberty, so what you want to be able to do is put pressure on a horse to draw towards you, with a positive expression.

The other possible pitfall is that a horse will think you want a disengagement, and do what I call "square up." This often happens with LB horses, and basically they get in the habit of getting really straight and driving us in the yo-yo. So when you add pressure they will get really straight and want to come to you that way instead of in a Bending Line. To combat this, you need to continue to drive the shoulder away.

So what we want to see in the Bending Line draw is a couple of things. First we want the horse coming to us with a positive expression. Next we want the ability to put pressure on a horse and ask them to increase speed without thinking either that this is TOO much pressure (RB), or that this is an opportunity to drive us (LB).

Hope that this helps, and let me know if you have any questions ;)

Holes and Strengths

Remembering back to my first few weeks working at Atwood Ranch I identified an interesting Hole/Strength (I'll explain why these go together later...) in my horsemanship. We had a long yearling who had quite a habit of turning his nose putting his shoulder into the rope and running off. He was an Appendix Quarter Horse, and he was BIG, and an RBE ... and he had figured out that this worked when the pressure got too much. It often happened in circle games and squeeze game. I was asked to play with him one day... I knew the issue, and so I, simply put, avoided it. I did lots of slow backwards s's, took the pressure off of him as much as I could, and didn't push him, so, he didn't run away. Cool right?  Well sorta... I do consider it one of my strengths that I am often able to play with horses, feel out challenges, and not raise dust. This way I tend not to create many issues or challenges in horses I play with... BUT I also tend not to be able to help them through larger issues very well either. So, especially from a horse development perspective, when you are developing a horse for someone else, it is SO important that they clearly understand pressure, and that they at least TRY things, instead of giving up and running off as was this horses tendency.

While at Atwood I kept having to have this at the forfront of my mind as I was constantly preparing horses for sale. And I met with many horses that had larger issues like this, and slowly I learned to tackle them and help the horse through them, and I learned SO much this way.

After a year at Atwood I returned back to the Parelli ISC. It was so interesting, when I showed up in Florida and began my time studying with Kalley, she gave me Savvy (one of Pat's super horses, that Kalley has since been given). Kalley said she did this specifically because she noticed I had a tendency, as she put it, "not to bother horses." With Savvy, a very sensitive, LBE with STRONG RBI tendencies, this was a blessing. Savvy and I got along great, and I was able to give her lots of hours of not taking things personally and finding harmony with humans.

However, Kalley also assigned me Warrior, a RBI mustang who had a saddling challenge. Kalley soon noticed that I wasn't really making any big changes in Warrior; I could saddle him, SLOOOOOWWWLY, without any challenges, and with good relaxation... however, I hadn't done anything to help HIM understand saddling game, I had merely figured out a savvy way to saddle him without bothering him :) How interesting? Luckily, under Kalley's guidance I was able to Play through pushing Warrior in certain areas, and helping him to understand saddling game. But my tendencey "not to bother horses" is still a horsemanship challenge that I play with constantly :)

LBI's and Asking for the "Right" Try

A while ago I posted a blog that I titled, "Not Creating Dust" about a session with a Mum and Baby in Australia trailer loading. Here is session two!

So after the first session I quit when mum didn't have to retreat ALL the way out of the trailer on her slightly panicked retreat, but only had to retreat to two front feet on the ramp. The Mare's MO had been to panic and RUN out of the trailer, so I was really happy with this.

So we began our session with Kerryn chest roping baby, and asking her to think about putting her nose in the trailer... With all horses, but foals especially, it is important to remember that as leaders our ONLY job is the nose, don't ask for more then the nose! So all Kerryn was doing was continually re-directing the foals nose to the base of the ramp of the trailer.

Now, I was really anxious to begin playing with mum and how she was feeling about the trailer that day... However, it was REALLY important for me not to push her past that edge where she felt like she had to retreat fast, becuase this was liable to scare baby, and in her second trailer loading experience, I did NOT want to risk that. So I slowly and very carefully played with the edge of mum's bubble, asking her to come more and more into the trailer, until I could feel that edge of retreat. It ended up being with two front feet on the ramp. We rested here for about 30 minutes while baby played all around IN the trailer, exploring it, eating it, stomping it, and having a grand time.

During this time, mum went In and out of some fairly intense bouts of introversion, stopping breathing and getting really frozen. But then relaxing, blowing out, and sniffing around the trailer, all things I thought would be really positive... HOWEVER, what I didn't realize was also how left brain mum was going.

Once baby was mostly done exploring, I began to ask a bit more of mum. And How interesting... she started saying fairly obvious "I won't's", not "I can't's" hmmm... How interesting? I continued to play with mum, gradually making her time consistently more uncomfortable as she wasn't trying, and releasing when she did try. Soon she was able to come all the way into the trailer, similar to last time. She still isn't totally confident in there, and has trouble backing out with out panicking, but it is getting better and better. I gave her owner some take home homework of asking her to back with her head down. Perhaps if this piece of the puzzle is really solid she won't panic so much going out of the trailer backwards (her tendency is to throw her head, and in general oppose pressure on her poll. Its interesting when she is Left Brain, I noticed she opposes this pressure by twisting her head to the side, when she is right brain, she throws her head straight up... hmm!).

So, I began to think these past few days... why was it that giving her so much time to stand with just her front feet in was a hinderance to our progress instead of a benifit? What I came up with was that with this more innately Left brain horse, I was not asking for that next try. Pat always says reward the slightest try, BUT be sure each try is at least SLIGHTLY greater than the last... and I have found this particularly important with more left brain horses. Mum got SO long of a rest with just her front feet in, she decided that was all was being asked of her, and when I asked for more, she got offended, and then offensive! She decided this was all the effort she was putting in and that was that! :)

The most important thing was not to get into a tug-of-war or a fight with her in general... I just passivly persisted in making sure that she wasn't getting a rest unless she was truly trying to investigate and understand the trailer... and soon enough we were back on the right track!

Thanks for reading!

Lillan Roquet
Parelli Licensed 3* Instructor and Level 5 Student