Theory Helping Me Back Into My Comfort Zone

The last few days have been all about filming! Up coming Savvy Club DVD's and a few other exciting things in the pipeline. I was lucky enough to be a part of it on many different levels ... and as always its a journey of self development isn't it?! So, those of you Right Brain Extraverts who want to commiserate with my ramblings please continue reading ... every one else ... at your own risk ;).

My grey mare Damo and I were invited to be a part of some of the Savvy club filming which was really really exciting! For those of us who still have a soft spot for praise and recognition ... and also because in the format of the SC DVD's (where Linda, basically teaches a lesson) I knew that I would learn a ton! Plus ... whatever mistakes I made would only lead to bettering the world for horses anyway, as it gives more opportunities for learning. Not to mention being in the super capable hands of Parelli's amazing film crew, director Niel Pye and Sue Shoemark, and being taught by none other than Linda Parelli herself! Most of the world would think this would be enough people telling me "you're ok!". :)


The first day went fabulously, and I was playing in the Savvy's I was less confident in. Damo was a rock star ...  acting like such a partner and hanging around all day. The second day we did a Liberty section. This is where my emotional fitness started to let me down. The first thing I noticed was that when Linda started asking me to do specific things or tasks ... that splitting of my focus caused me to loose my draw. What a surprise? One of the human's mutual responsibilities in the partnership is "understand the natural power of focus." So as my focus was divided ... Damo began to not act like such a partner. Now ... in hindsight I can analyze this with a clear head, and realize that my liberty used to consist of me seeing lots of hind legs and tail straight in the air and a horse galloping away ... AFTER she had busted through the round pen! So when I say I lost our mental connection ... mostly I mean I had to use a lot of disengagement's to keep her with me, because I lacked draw ... because my focus was off and I wasn't being a good leader!

This is all well and good and we kept it together and finished the filming ... I was pretty bummed and trying to kick myself in the pants, and back into an emotionally fit state! Not to much avail. Here was my PC update after that session:


Lillan Roquet with Andiamo, (Liberty, 45 mins) Today we played with the weave at Liberty. Damo was AWESOME ... My focus was really off :(. She did really well as long as I gave her my total attention ... but when Linda started tasking us, I lost mental connection with Damo and then I had to use a bunch of disengagements to force the draw back to me! YUCK!


I spent most of the rest of the morning stewing ... Feeling like I didn't do right by my horse, because I wasn't upholding my responsibilities ... feeling bad about that ... then feeling even worse that I was feeling bad and not more emotionally fit! I felt like I kinda got myself together after lunch so I thought that I would go out and have a ride with Linda and all of the senior instructors here studying with her. And here's what happened next:


Lillan Roquet with Andiamo, (Freestyle, 45 mins) Played with getting a forward canter today. She did better than she Has EVER done ... so of course I pushed it :(. Too far. Lost her mind and she started spooking, and getting way impulsive ... at one point I weighted my inside stirrup and my saddle slid almost completely off :( ... I did an emergency dismount ... but also had to pull on her face too much to stop and broke a bunch of her confidence in GOC.

Linda says I need to play with maintain gait first (haha ... DUH! maintain gait ... then direction). So she suggests the round pen where she can go fast and I don't have to steer. Then take her up for a lap or two, then bring her back to a trot ... etc til she gets more confidence and connected with the speed I want. I also don't KNOW what speed I want, which makes it hard, because Im not being clear ... so Im just saying to her, "um thats ok ... thats ok ... thats. ok ... ThATS TOO FAST!". Which isn't clear communication is it?!

HUUURRRRRUMPH! Perhaps I will get myself figured out one day :(


As you can read ... not my most successful ride! Again ... into that terrible spiral of being disappointed with myself for not having more savvy and being a better partner, and then being disappointed for being disappointed! 


So then comes the realizations ... I got home, and just blurted it all out onto Parelli Connect. I almost deleted it ... then thought, "no one will read it anyway!" so I left it up there ... (ooops! Mistake!). Then my brain came back to me ... writing all those emotions down, and processing the disappointment at not being the partner I want to be to a horse that has given me SO much, caused me to start looking for theory. So of course in Parelli I could find so much to bring me back. That is where my realizations about focus, responsibilities .... maintain gait, THEN direction, clarity of leadership, feeling during the day, thinking at night, etc etc etc came from. And of course ... the realization, that discomfort is learning :). 

So ... I learned that knowledge can help us to find our way back into our comfort zone. "Frustration begins where knowledge ends." And luckily we have this AMAZING program to help us out of our comfort zone ... and then the theory to help us find our way back in.