Today for me ... was all about becoming better at processing feedback. From peers and instructors ... and most importantly, from yourself and your horse!
My day started this morning with some pretty TOUGH feedback from my beautiful Arabian partner, Andiamo. She has been with me for 13 years now, I rescued her when she was 6 months old, and we pretty much grew up together. In that ... I always know, that everything she does poorly is my fault :(. On the converse, everything she does well is my fault too!! Anyway, at this point we are BOTH pretty anxious about Finesse and contact; luckily Im in the right place for that, and Linda and Marion have been helping us slowly unravel our anxiety and find calmness and connection in contact! Super cool! We have been playing with aspects of contact and riding with the bit for the last 2 weeks.
One part of this that Marion has helped me play with is getting some exuberance in her bridling. She is VERY obedient and will put her head down and allow me to bridle her softly ... but she doesn't seek the bit at all. Through cookies, and some approach and retreat, and truly setting it up so bridling is a GAME, I was starting to be able to hold the bridle out, and have her actually bridle herself! Stick her nose through the headstall, and open her moth and take the bit. Very cool stuff. Well... until today anyway ;(.
So as I mentioned we've been playing in the bit and contact for the last two weeks, all just Stage 1 and 2, building her confidence, plus a bit of freestyle steady rein style on the patterns. I thought her anxiety was diminishing and we were really making progress. But today when I offered her the bridle she turned her head the other way ;(. I played the game for a bit, but the best I could get was back to obedience. Even with the bit places with the cookie DIRECTLY under it, under her nose, she wouldn't open her mouth to take the bit/cookie ;(. Now, I obviously could have put my thumb into her mouth and she very willingly would have participated, but I want better than that. To me she was saying clear as a bell ... "Even that cookie is NOT worth opening my mouth for the bit." ;(
Phew! Big deep breath ... and realization! Now, my goal is to be able to process that feedback without emotion, but that's HARD. I was devastated! I thought I was on the right track ... and helping her to understand and not be afraid of the bit, but clearly my hands haven't been good enough, and there is something Im doing that is causing her not to want to be a partner.
So, after the emotions, and being super upset at myself for not having seen it earlier, and not being more savvy ... then I can start to process it. I realized that feedback is what makes me a better horseman. Whether its TOUGH feedback from my horse, encouraging feedback from my horse, or thoughts and advice from other horseman. Its all what helps us improve and we just have to figure out how to process it and learn from it!
That was wonderful to read Lillan. Yes, feedback (or more specifically - negative feedback) can be a real eye opener and a bit of a kick in the pants at times. We can be so blase` at times with the 'positive feedback' and often take it for granted when it is all going well.
ReplyDeleteHowever, when our horses are truly allowed to show their real feelings, and we are tuned in enough to notice their real feelings, it can be an overwhelming moment.
As you have so clearly pointed out though, this is what causes us to search for the Good, Better Best that the Parelli Program encourages to strive for in everything, no matter how seemingly small that may appear to be.
On a personal note, I went through the same thing with Sultan after about 2 weeks of GoC, and it was clear to me that I too, was not quite a good as I needed to be for him at that point. Thankfully he is starting to seek out the bit again, and I feel reassured that I have either improved or changed something that was bothering him(or both).
I love reading your blogs. Please keep them coming. You have motivated me to start my own page now :-) Thank you again